My husband, my bestfriend…

Ok, so as I dig deeper and deeper into my personal life I hope you continue to learn(and have learned) so much about me, and have gleaned knowledge from the mistakes I have made, while also listening to the tidbits of knowledge I have to offer from experience.

 Ever since I graduated from college, I’ve had to take care of myself all by myself. I don’t know how many people were in this situation, but I was. I made the final decisions for my life, and whatever mistakes I made, the results fell totally on me. Well, during these five years of my life before I met my husband, I was the queen of my castle. Nobody told me what to do, I knew what was best, and I stuck with what I thought was right. After meeting Matthew, falling in love, and getting married, my life changed.

Coming from being independent to having to work with someone else came with it’s share of ups and downs. Don’t mistake what I am saying, I love my husband; he is intelligent, loving, money savvy, selfless, and goal oriented. Though, I didn’t always feel that way when I was asked to cut back on the shopping so we could save more. Marriage all in all comes with it’s benefits, because of the goodness of God, my husband and I  see the bigger picture in a lot of situations, so we get a long really well. But it wasn’t always this way.

I have been married for 403 days today, so I believe I am qualified to give married advice. When you are looking for someone to love as a life long mate there are certain characteristics that person should have;

1.) You should like them as a person, and not just their status in life

2.) Their belief system should be the same as yours

3.)Some of the goals you have for life should match up(children, money matters, lifestyle, etc.)

Now, just because someone has these characteristics doesn’t mean you won’t argue, fuss or fight. All married couples disagree every now and then, but how you resolve your issues is the key. During our dating period I had a thoushand questions I asked my husband, about his thought process, his family, how he wanted to live, etc. and he always was on point with every question, but we still had disagreements after we got married. Being a happy couple doesn’t mean not arguing, it means loving each other enough to work out the problems.

The first six months of our marriage was kind of rough I’m not even gonna lie to you, because I love you too much. Honestly, it was an adjustment. You can let other married folk lie to you and make it seem as if there marriage is roses, but I seriously doubt it, because noone is perfect. At any rate, we had a lot of misconceptions about expectations, and we had a lot to work through.

Somedays it was easy, and some days it was rough. We both prayed individually and collectively, but it seemed like some things just werent getting resolved. As time moved on, we started to make headway; Pride got tossed to the side, selfishness was cast down, and communication became number one in our household. My husband and I loved each other enough to talk through our issues, implement things to please each other, and take initiative by working as a team even harder. Now our home is filled with laughter and less arguments, kissing and hugging instead of silence, and sweet words, instead of words of anger.

I know I’m not perfect, and neither is he. but one thing we know is that we love each other, and as long as we have breath in our bodies, we will continue to seek each other’s happiness, cast down our pride, and most importantly keep God’s word and commandments in the center of our marriage.

This is something I think about all the time. What are the qualities you cherish in a friend? Someone who is selfless, who listens, who wants to spend quality time with you, who isn’t jealous or talks about you behind your back? Those are the same qualities you look for in a husband, because after all he will be your life partner, and will be your very best friend.

Lay a foundation on paper or in your mind about what you want your husband to have (brains, goals, beliefs, views on family, etc.)

Build a solid friendship with that person over TIME (people can only hide their real selves for so long)

Don’t ignore the cracks in the foundation you laid, if you do, they will come back to haunt you!

Once you make the commitment of marriage, work with your husband and God to make it the best marriage possible! God will honor your hard work! I know this from experience because he honored mine.


About daranichole

Lover of Christ, Wife, mother, author, and entrepreneur! I have a heart for women!

Posted on May 12, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Faith Marbury

    Hi Daralynn!
    I enjoyed reading your blog about marriage and the tips you give to single ppl about picking a partner are or can be helpful! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experiences!

  2. Shauntae Gillery

    I totally agree with you. I felt the same way,my husband and I started off rough. He is very taught when it comes to money, I love to shop but I shop for sales lol. What I realize what that this was a marriage a team we had to work together. Finance is the #1 reason why some marriages result in divorce. Once I got tired of the tension I begun to pray and asked God to help us. The Lord begin to show me myself in the mirror. It’s been 3 years of marriage and we are bestfriends because we realize that we have to be on the same page especially when you have children. THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT WRITER CANT WAIT TILL YOUR BOOK COMES OUT!!

  3. I’m encouraged. You’ve inspired me to perhaps blog…

  4. Thanks Shauntae! I’m excited too! Thank you for your support!

  5. Great blog. My husband and I have been married for six years. We grew up in the same neighborhood and went to school together but still we disagree and have differing opinions on quite a bit of things. The foundation, though, is love. So you can disagree but afterwards you have to have enough love to work things out. Marriage is forever. keep writing wonderful blogs:)

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