Chapter 5 “She is, but he ain’t (A short story by Dara Nichole)
“Girl, you stupid.” Jasmine looked me right in my eyes, and for the fourth time today, told me how she felt about what happened with Me, Ellington, and Joshua.
“Jasmine, you weren’t there ok? When Joshua gets upset, things turn ugly.” I stirred my coffee and looked out the window of the pastry shop we were having lunch in.
“But Bri, think about it. Who cares about Joshua’s anger? He stood you up, then after he saw someone else take interest in you, he felt like he had to nut up on them. Now all of a sudden he gets another chance? You need to get your priorities together sista. That dude is a straight up clown. You know it and I know.” Jasmine put the last bit of coffee cake in her mouth, licked her lips and crossed her legs. She meant business.
“I know Jasmine, your right, but maybe he will do right this time? At any rate Ellington will never talk to me again, so why not give it another go.” I rolled my eyes and sat back in my seat. Holding back the tears was getting easier and easier to do.
“Bri, even if you didn’t have anyone to spend time with, Joshua isn’t worth two seconds of your time.” She leaned over and put her hand on top of mine.
“I love you girl, I just don’t want to see you upset and crying again. He doesn’t deserve the place that you give him in your life.”
“People can change and grow Jasmine.” I looked her dead in her eyes. I figured if I kept telling myself that, maybe it would actually happen.
I jumped in my car after work and decided to pay Mr. Joshua a visit. Over the past couple days he had been really sweet. He sent flowers to the office, constant “I love you”, text messages, and of course he picked me up for lunch unexpectedly. Everything was going like I had hoped. I felt better. Maybe he had changed.
I pulled up to Joshua’s complex and pulled into a parking spot. Going up the walkway I noticed there was a different car in his roommates parking spot.
“Maybe he turned in his lease.” At least that’s what I was hoping.
I walked up the stairs to his apartment and right as I was going to knock on the door, it swung open. Laughter came from both of their mouths until they saw my face.
“Bri, what are you doing here?” Joshua was caught red handed.
“Who is she?” My voice started to tremble as I dropped my keys and my purse to the floor.
“Abrielle, I can explain.”
My head was hot and I felt rage building up on the inside of me. Before I knew it, I had smacked his face so hard his head hit the door. His body fell to the ground and he was holding his mouth.
“I trusted you Joshua, you said you weren’t ever going to cheat on me!” The tears started to fall and I leaned over him so he could hear me better.
“Stop it girl, your hurting him.” The young girl pulled Joshua back into the apartment and I walked in as she drug him in.
“Look lady, I don’t know who you are, or what you think you got going on with him, but if I were you, I would get my stuff and go.” There was pure anger and hatred in my eyes. I had never felt this way in my life. My body was hot, my heart was racing, and my hands were sweaty, I was just waiting for this girl to say one more thing to me, so I could do the same thing to her that I did to Joshua.
“Shut up Joshua!” I pointed my finger at him and took off one of my heels.
“Say one more thing hear me. One more thing.” As the girl was grabbing her things to go, I went in the back and grabbed everything that belonged to me, shoes, clothes, underwear, socks, put it in a bag and walked back into the living room.
“Joshua, I am done. I am done with your lies, I am done with your sob stories, I am done with your doggish ways. Don’t call me, text me, email me, or come by my house. It’s over.”
“Ok.” He sat there in shock at the fact that I would put my hand to his face, and two that I declared my freedom from his tyranny. I walked out of the door and down the stairs angry, upset, sad, and confused. I had to see this coming.
When I got home I ran upstairs to my room, fell on the bed, and cried my eyes out. The tears stained my pillow, and my sheets, and my clothing. The more I cried, the better I felt. I was so tired of being treated like I wasn’t important. Why would Joshua do this to me? I was always a good girlfriend. I grabbed my pillow tight to my chest and sat up on my bed thinking about how much I had let him degrade and disrespect me, and for what? His company wasn’t all that great. Jasmine was right, I was settling.
I pulled myself together and paced over to my phone to call my nanna. She was the only person who understood me.
“Hey Nanna, it’s Abrielle.”
“Hey baby, how are you?” She was so excited to hear my voice.
“I’m ok.” I sniffled a little so she could pick up on my sadness.
“Oh, baby, I hear you, tell Nanna everything.” I told her about how Joshua treated me, about how he degraded me, and embarrassed me in front of Ellington. I told her about Ellington, and how I felt I lost a really good guy, and I didn’t know how to put the pieces back together. She listened, and listened, and listened some more.
“Well Nanna, what should I do?” I waited for those words of wisdom to pour from her mouth.
“Well baby, did you pray about it?” I rolled my eyes.
“Nanna, you know I don’t do that prayin stuff.” I laid back on my bed and rolled over.
“Well, Abrielle, all I can say is that God loves you, and even though I know you have had a hard time since your father died, praying to God could really help you get through this.”
“I don’t see how nanna, Jesus not gon’ come down and tell Ellington to sweep me off my feet.” She chuckled and I smiled.
“I know honey, but he can tell you that your latter days will be greater. He can say that you don’t have to worry about a mate because if you seek him he will give you the desires of your heart. He can tell you to be encouraged, and know that you can come to him and give him your burdens, and he will work it out.” I didn’t understand hardly anything she was talking about.
“Well, nanna, maybe I’ll try it.” I mean what could it hurt.
“I love you baby, and remember this, you deserve so much more than to be somebody’s second choice. Don’t give your all to a relationship that just has potential. Love is an action word. Allow him to be the man, and show his love to you, alright baby?”
“Yes Nanna, ok, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I put the phone down, changed clothes and got under the covers. I was wide awake. I laid there wondering if God knew what was going on. Why would he let me go through this? Was I being punished? Why was I here? I rolled out of bed and onto the floor. If I was going to pray, it was at least going to be like how my father taught me before he passed. Here goes nothing.
“God, um, it’s me Abrielle. I’m not sure if you hear me, but I’m hoping you do. God, I’m hurting, and I don’t know how to get rid of this pain. God, why did my father have to die, huh? He loved you. He lived for you? You left me down here with no man to talk to, no man to understand me. And now I have to go through my life trial and error. Why God? What have I done, just tell me so I won’t do it anymore.” Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t hold them back anymore.
“God, I just want to be happy. It seems like every time life is going good something comes in and makes it crazy. Just show me how to fix it. I know you love me. And I’m working on showing you that I love you too. Amen.”
I sat up, got back in bed, and fell asleep. I was gonna believe what nanna said, and trust that God was gonna work it out.